Messi, no...

Dear Lionel Messi,

I love watching you kick a ball. You are GOAT and anyone who says otherwise is an idiot. It really is that simple.

But dear god, child, stop posting save the planet ads when you have a private jet. If you're actually serious about it, you'll give up the private jet first.

You are a billionaire. Just keep on kicking a ball and being entertaining, and keep your head down outside of the pitch. You really have no idea what you're talking about.

Also, your new team sucks and have you considered returning to Barça now that Xavi's at the helm? I think you should consider returning to Barça now. PSG's project is as shambolic as Bartomeu's was. Don't get hoodwinked. You're not winning the UCL with that mess of a team.

I know, I know. Neymar, Di María, Paredes are all your friends and you're at that age where you'd rather just have some fun than worrying about the team's reputation and stuff, but Barça will always be your club and Xavi will definitely make things more comfortable for you. Even if he'll force you to eat your vegetables. (Xavi only does it because he wuvs you.)

Not having to put up with a helicopter manager is not a good enough reason to stay at PSG.

Anyway, point is, stick to kicking a ball and stay out of the climate change stuff. You have no idea what you're doing.

Love love,
cashew